I finally started to believe in God

As a kid, religion was never forced upon me or my brother. Every person in my family including my grandparents follow a different religion. So it was never really important for me or my brother to believe in god. Everyone in the family tried to give their best but I came up to be an atheist. I don't think it's a wrong thing. But me being an atheist was not a normal thing to my mom sometimes. She would say, "its good to pray, it makes you stronger". "pray to whom mom?", I said. "Pray to god beta (dear daughter)".  Mom I wake up every day and I thank you for bringing me in this beautiful world. Mom had basically lost all hopes in me about believing in god.

   I thought this was never going to change. Winter was almost there, I was so tensed with all my classes and my grades plus me getting into research was looking impossible due to so much competition. I always wanted to do something 'cool' as a kid and as I grew up, my guts for doing 'cool' things became stronger. This included all the crazy adventures that I have done so far. Back to the research part; I can't say that I really tried hard, but I did email a lot of professors last semester. I didn't email any of the professors this year because it looked next to impossible to (without even trying).
   One usual day, I was on my way out of the professor's office. Out of nowhere I find an opportunity through a Teaching Assistant.It was totally random. I didn't email the professor for the next 5 days. Finally I decided to do it. I emailed him and BOOM!! I'm in. Later that week I went through the longest interview of my life. It went well. Mom got through her Certification exam the same day. I thought, "when things were so messed up, how did everything turn out to be so happy and settled all of a sudden?" I heard a voice, "God exists". And I repeated, "God Exists". Later that night, I realized that I had said that on my way out of the building after my interview. I didn't know why, and I didn't want to know why. I was comfortable with that mixed feeling about God. I knew there is some power that brought me to it and then brought me through it which made me happy.
   I called mom and the first thing she said was, "all the prayers are answered". I had nothing to say except "yes mom yes".  At the first instance, she kinda got into the mood and didn't realize that I had talked about god and said yes to her. Two days later she calls me up to double check if I really started believing in god? I was hesitant but I said "you could think of it in that way". This was enough to make her day.
   Conclusion could be that unless you really feel it you wouldn't believe it and unless you believe it, you wouldn't feel it. I have a friend who believes in a different god everyday. One day he would keep saying Jesus, some other day he would refer to one of the Indian gods. Lets just keep his status as 'complicated'. He'll get there. Just like I did. Now since I believe that there is some power that exists to make things go in a positive way, I can say I have a reason to pray. People will believe in God only when they feel God. God is nothing but plainly a positivist hidden inside you. It's not male, it's not female. It's a positivist, it never goes with gender or appearance. It only goes with loving one-self as who you are and believing in one self. Go find it. No matter how bad life gets, always know: If you could hold on for so long, you could definitely hold on to it for  a little more because YOU WERE CREATED LIMITLESS. THERE IS NOTHING THAT CAN STOP YOU.